Every Judas
by Carole
Summary: Schuldich watches Farfarello watch Crawford. Yaoi subtext. Crawford+Nagi Onesided Schu+Crawford Farfie+Crawford My first WK story, and first serious anime fanfic so please R&R. I'd like to know what you think.


~~~~~~~~~~~  
Every Judas by Carole   
  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Yaoi subtext. Mentions onesided  
Farfello+Bradley,   
Schu+Bradley....Bradley+Nagi  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
Silver flashes. Knives dance in his hands, but he's  
not watching them. He's been watching you again, gold  
eye gleaming as hefollows your every twitch in this  
prison you call an office. As you type away, I wonder  
if you are really oblivious to it, or ignoring it,   
knowing that nothing will happen. In control as  
always.   
  
White hair shifts under artificial lights as the  
single golden orb turns in my direction. He is aware  
of the observation, even if you aren't. I smile, a sly  
grin, and wink knowingly. There is no needto read his  
mind, nor do I want to try to make sense of what I  
find there. It's obvious what he's thinking, why he's  
watching. I used to do the same thing myself, for the  
same reasons. I wonder if you realize just how  
beautiful you are: perfect and unreachable.   
  
He turns away, giving all his attention, the same  
single mindedness he applies on his quest to hurt God,  
focusing it solely on you, despite the flashing death  
he plays within his hands. More than loyalty, but  
that's what you have in us, in Schwartz. Estet may  
think they own our souls, but its you first, as  
always, isn't thatright, Brady-boy? I wasn't there  
when you seduced him into our loving embrace, but I  
wonder, was it the same way you seduced me, with the   
confidence, the control, the air you had about you  
that promised the world and more? The unsaid promise  
of delivering God to him on a silver platter, a  
direction for his madness, even as you told me you   
could quell the voices in my head. Never spoken, but  
there, behind your eyes, you offered everything I  
wanted.   
  
I can remember it so clearly, the day my life changed  
forever. Calm. That was my first impression.   
  
You stared straight at me, like you'd been waiting for  
me allyour life and knew I was coming. It was only  
later that I knew the truth. Your shoes splashed in  
the grime and wet as you walked over, marring the  
white starkness of your pants. An angel disguised as a  
  
businessman with glasses, perfect dark hair, white  
suit, who promised me peace inside my head. A peace  
paid for in blood.   
  
Calm, controlled. You were the first one who didn't  
make my headache with unwanted noise, of hopes,  
dreams, lies and promises unkept, of images and words  
I knew weren't my own. You were the first one  
who didn't think I was crazy, but told me I was  
special, different, blessed.   
  
I know I just stared at you. You weren't my usual type  
ofcustomer. I've never asked what you thought of me  
then and looking is outof the question since I can  
only see what you want me too. Control, always, nein?   
  
//I know what you are.// Clear as crystal, not the  
jumbled mess of thoughts that the drugs merely dulled,  
but never obliterated. //I can teach you to control  
it, make the voices stop unless you want to hear   
them.// Your lips never moved and you waited  
expectantly for the answer you knew I'd have to give.  
And for a moment, the voicesdid go away, you drowned  
them out through sheer personality and will. I   
think that was when I fell in love with you.   
  
I should have realized what a fool I was. I can't even  
blame iton being naive for I can't remember myself  
ever in procession of innocence in the ways of the  
world in any form. Telepathy doesn't leave you the  
luxury of thinking the best of people, especially  
given my former profession. So, years later, I'd done  
my time in Helland you'd actually fulfilled your  
promise. The voices were gone. Ihad control no matter  
how much you accuse me these days of lacking both   
that and sense. I was hopeful then, watching you like  
Farfarello does now, giving off subtle and not so  
subtle hints as to what I wanted.   
  
And you ignored them all, cold, professional,  
unattainable, challenging. Then came Farfarello and  
our darling little Nagi, who is no more innocent than  
I was at his age.   
  
Poor, deluded madman. I think he's as much a fool as I  
used tobe, thinking I could have you. But be wary, he  
loved and followed God once with the same devotion. I  
wonder which of you, if either, I should pity.   
  
Or myself, for that matter, if I get caught in the  
middle. The clack of keys falls silent at laughter  
that does not sound half so desolate when released.   
  
A finger pushed up your glasses to the bridge of your  
nose as you turn that oh so perfect face towards me,  
illuminated by the radiation emitted from the computer  
screen.   
  
"Schuldich?"   
  
"Yes, Bradley?" False sweetness that could form  
cavities at thirty paces.   
  
"If you're going to murmur on and be distracting,  
leave." Therewas a pause for breath and you send a  
piercing glare towards me. "Anddon't call me that,"  
you say, turning back to whatever it is your doing.   
  
//Someone really should remove that stick before it  
does permanent damage, Bradley-chan. You don't have to  
work all the time.// Ibrush against your mind, soft as  
a feather, but I know you can hear me.   
  
Annoyance. //Schuldich...//   
  
//Fine, whatever you say, Bradikuns.//   
  
You scowl, then ignore me as I rise to my feet, making  
a great show of stretching out the kinks from the  
position I have held for so long in my corner of the  
couch. As always, untouchable and desirable, and   
I realize that I'm as much a fool as I ever was.   
  
"Oh, Schuldich?"   
  
I turn, my voice too eager. "Yes?"   
  
"Take Farfarello with you."   
  
I bow in mock obedience. Or is it? We would follow you  
to the bitter end. Estet must praise you for this. Who  
else could keep the madman, the prodigy and the whore  
in line? Though, I'd doubt they'd do so if they knew  
our real loyalties, including yours. Estet will not  
own us forever.   
  
With a gesture, Farfarello comes through the open door  
like an obedient dog.   
  
Pity, we can never have you. I laugh again, I can't  
help it and Farfarello looks at me like I'm the one  
who's locked up in aroom with padded walls every  
night. Oh yes, Crawford, you play God with us, your  
devoted disciples, but I wonder what would happen if  
the madman found some were more devoted than others.   
  
Of what you and Nagi do when he is locked up for the  
night. Sometime, I just might find out and who'd need  
who's pity then. Every Judas gets offered his thirty  
pieces of silver eventually. But I couldn't even do  
that, could I, Bradley? Again, in control, you'd see  
it coming.   
  
The laughter is almond bitter on my tongue and falls  
away to silence.   
  
~end 


End file.
